Decision-free

All I want, right now, at this moment, is one day where I don't have to make any decisions.

Where everything either goes smoothly, or someone else decides.

I'm tired, and cranky, and just off of a day where I was given a major, major life-altering decision, and I swear, I just can't handle one more person asking me another, mundane, 'what should I do, where should we go, type of question!

I work in a small office with two women who are both over 40 yet most of the time have the decision-making capabilities of my 10-year-old niece. Were I the type of boss who screamed and shouted if they made the slightest of errors or misjudgements, I could understand.

But I'm not. So I am literally flabbergasted when I get a question like, "look at these labels. do you think that font is okay?"

Or, my personal favorite, "come out here and look at the dumpster; its kind of full and I don't know whether or not I should throw any more stuff into it."

Then there's the friends. It happened innocently. A friend emailed and asked about grabbing dinner or drinks after work. I'm flat out broke and told her so. She offered to pay. I debated. I should have stuck with no.

Finally, about an hour ago, I said, 'yeah sure. why not? and suggested going somewhere for pizza since there are tons of places and its relatively cheap.

She replied back that yeah, pizza would be fine. "where should we go?" she asked, but then added that she needed to run errands and would be in a specific area of town. So, why not just say, I need to go here and there's this place nearby, since we now obviously have to go near to where she needs to be?

I fumed, but let it go. Fumed for maybe no good reason, except its been a stressful week.

She then emails back and says she can't make it until 6:30. I was hoping for around 5:15. I'm tired and hungry and don't want to do work in my office and then have to drive out of my way an hour later than planned just to eat a couple pieces of free pizza.

So now she's suggesting doing it another time, because I had told her I hadn't wanted to go that late. I can tell she's pissed -- she's doing the whiny, victim email. Well, since I have to be here to wait for this draft to be done, and then go here and pick up this....blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And I'm sorry, but I just don't have the stomach for it at this point.

I'm tired, I didn't sleep well last nite, and for the past 48 hours I've been thinking non-stop about a decision I have to make concerning my job and my home and my future.

A few weeks ago I interviewed for another job. It looked promising and I knew when I left I had really done well in the interview. I wasn't surprised when I got called back for a second interview. That was yesterday. And it wasn't just a follow-up interview, it was an offer.

An offer that was not what I had been hoping for, but still very much worth considering. The bad side, I'd have to move, meaning I'd have to sell the house I love, pack up and start new somewhere else. From homeowner back to renter within just over a year.

Not necessarily a bad thing, but it leaves alot of room for worry and analysis and "I wonders"

Still, I think the opportunity for upward movement with this new company is much more promising and will be much better for my long-term career than staying where I'm at now.

I just have to wait for the call back because I did try to negotiate a counter offer. I'll find out by tomorrow if that was successful or not.

So a major decision that I've had to come to within the past 2 days while also having to deal with "should I throw any more garbage in that dumpster, because its getting kind of full?"

Egads.

A friend of mine had a date the other nite. An honest to goodness date where the guy picked her up, drove them to the place that he had picked out, and bought her a nice dinner complete with wine and dessert and great conversation.

Its been so long since I've had that. The past year or so, my dates have been the online variety, wehre you email, eventually phone and then agree to meet in a public place that you each drive to seperately, to ensure safety and a quick escape should they not work out well.

Which means the inevitable, "where do you want to go" question that most guys force you into answering, and then having to drive yourself to the date, drive yourself home and sometimes, even paying for half of it.

Just one day, that's all I ask. One day, where nothing presents itself needing a major decision; where things easily fall into place, and I can just 'be' and not have to worry about making sure my little part of the universe runs efficiently. And maybe, maybe eventually, a real honest to goodness old-fashioned date where I meet the guy in real time and real life first, instead of last, and have a first date story that draws oohs and ahhs, instead of eeks and acks, and laughter.

Is all that too much to ask?