When will it get better?

I feel like crap today --- on so many levels.

Physically, my allergies are in overdrive and I swear if I blow my nose one more time, or my right eye tears anymore, I am gonna go insane!

Secondly, yet another dating letdown. Yes, I'm still doing the online thing, and yes, so far, still not much luck. But I had a prospect; a decent one. He was goodlooking, we seemed to have lots in common and our emails were actually honest to goodness conversations. Until he asked for a picture and I obliged.

And the only conclusion I can draw -- is guys my own age are not attracted to me. Every single time I have shared a pic with a 40-something guy, or late 30s guy, they've replied, complimenting me on my eyes or my cuteness or my smile.

The 35/36-yr-olds, or younger --- fuggeddabout it! Once I send off the pics, I rarely here from them.

What IS that? And in bard its even worse. Every post mid-life crisis single 50 or 60-something guy, hits on me.

An older colleague of mine once said I reminded him of a young Judy Garland. Could that be it? Maybe older guys like cute, perky brunettes?

But regardless of why, I have to admit that its started to put a chink in this girl's armor. Its hard not to feel rejected when someone appears interested, gushes that they can't believe all the things you have in common wiht them, and then, upon seeing a photo or two, drops off the face of the earth.

Definitely a hazard of 21st century dating, for sure, and a total ego-killer.

Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if it hadn't come on the tails of a huge work issue that surfaced at 4 p.m. on Friday afternoon. In trying to get to the bottom of said issue and put some sort of resolution into motion before leaving for the weekend, I had one higher-up outright lie to me, another confide in me that another higher-up lied to her, and one volunteer resign because, obviously, she did not want to have to deal with the politics of the situation.

The incident was enough to make me pull out a want ad I'd cut from last week's newspaper, print out my resume, write a cover letter, and head for the nearest mailbox.

See, for the past 18 months my job has been a hellacious roller coaster ride. When I saw this ad, which matches my credentials and experience, I considered applying.

But almost magically, in the past week and a half since I clipped the ad, things at work seemed to be on the upswing. So I didn't do anything with it. I figured, 'why try to get out now when it seems like you've just rounded the corner.' Maybe, after more than a year of uphill battles and political landmines, I've finally reached the summit and things will be good and the way they should be.

But alas, the upswing was not to last. I should have known better. It was an unexpected cease fire due in part to everyone being so busy with seasonal projects and the fact that we had just had a very successful and enjoyable annual dinner event.

Its now back to the hidden agendas, in-house politics and weekly backstabbing that has been par for the course since I joined this organization.

And Friday's incident was just the push I needed to realize that. So now, my dusted off resume and freshly minted cover letter are on their happy way to the desk of a potential new employer.

I have no idea what my chances are -- if I'll even be called for an interview -- but at least my hat is firmly in the ring.

A very faint ray of hope in an otherwise depressing 48 hours. And at least it made me feel like I was doing something proactive.

Oh, and also yesterday, I found out a guy who I used to be friends with, but had a falling out with 2 years ago and haven't spoken to since -- due to the fact that he wanted to date me and couldn't accept the fact that I did not have a similar interest in him -- is going to be at a friend's christening for her daughter. Lovely. Its a small gathering and altho I 'll do my best to act civilly, I'm already dreading it.

So, no exactly the greatest 48 hours. And on top of it, my allergies are still in overdrive and I've just used my last tissue!

Aaarrrrgggghhhhh!