Inner Voice

Its not often I let superstition rule my life.

I've chuckled when black cats have run across my path, can remember walking under at least a couple of ladders, and refuse to forward those chain emails that everyone complains about, but still forwards to everyone they know for fear something horrible will happen if they don't. And of course, once they do, something extremely wonderful will happen to them in the next 7 minutes. NOT

But sometimes, I do heed those little voices we all hear every once in awhile. I bless myself when driving past a church, I occasionally throw salt over my shoulder when I spill quite a lot of it, and lately, I've begun to pay more attention to that little inner voice that says, "Don't do" this, or "you should do" that.

As I write this, I should be driving myself back from a meeting in a city 3 hours away. I had been preparing myself all week long for the trip because it would meet waking at 4:30 a.m., leaving the house by 6 a.m., driving 3 hours, attending a business meeting; and then getting back in the car and driving back another 3 hours. All of it on busy interstates, no less.

But on Monday morning, when the alarm clock went off, the first thought that entered my head was, "I don't want to go on Wednesday".

I chalked it up to dreading the early wake up and long day and boring meeting.

Monday nite, as I settled in, I again thought, "I don't want to drive out there on Wednesday"

Again, I chided myself for being silly and maybe even lazy and steeled myself with professional responsibility. I had to go because I told my colleague I would. I told myself this feeling of not wanting to go was simply because I was buried in work at my own office and had so much to do, and was worried that another day spent on the road would set me back even further.

And then, yesterday morning again. As soon as the alarm clock buzzed me awake, my first thought was, "I really don't want to go to the city tomorrow."

So I bagged it. Yesterday afternoon I called T, my colleague and said I wasn't going to be able to make it. Just too much to do. Thankfully, she was fine with it. Understood my impending deadlines, and besides, another colleague was going to be there with her, so really, it wasn't integral that I be there. Whew.

And all I can say, is afterward, I felt no guilt and a whole lotta relief.

Not sure exactly why I had that nagging, 'don't go' feeling. But it felt so right following it.

Last nite, I told my friend L about it and she agreed. And we both recounted instances where we ignored that little inner voice and the situation turned out badly.

Maybe its and age/wisdome thing, maybe it was simple superstition. Regardless, I'm glad I followed it.