Why the Funk?

I'm in a funk today.

Actually, I've been in one since yesterday.

Maybe its the ungodly heat. Maybe its PMS. Maybe its the sheer boredom and frustration I've been feeling lately with my job and my life. Perhaps a combination of all of the above.

I don't know. But I know I don't like it.

One minute, I'll be fine, and then totally lose focus and interest in the task at hand. I've been going home from work, turning on the AC and pretty much just vegging. So maybe it is the heat.

Last week, had been great. I was busy, had energy, got to the gym 3 times and went golfing for the first time ever and loved it.

Funny, I'd always made fun of golfers. "What could anyone possibly find enjoyable about trying to hit a small white ball into a small, faroff hole?" I'd laugh.

I now know the mystique. Its challenging and you're outside in the sunshine and it feels great when you whack that ball and on your first stroke actually get it ONTO the green. I even did a few little up and down jumps after a few good shots. But most importantly, everyone I know who golfs follows it with beers and bar food afterward. Which is, I think, the real reason most stick with the game.

But I digress. After a week of fun, I now find myself at the opposite end of the spectrum. Could be that this is my Hell Week with meetings and reports and all kinds of pressing, yet totally mind-numbing crap due. Not to mention a ton of upper management level politics and power plays and crap that are going on, with me having to play referee and I haven't had a day off in 9 days.

Yep, I worked the weekend -- 10 hour days, thankyouverymuch -- and won't be able to take a day off until at least this Friday. And probably not even then because of all the deadline stuff that I have to get done.

Yet here I sit blogging instead of working and not even caring because today had to be one of the worst days on this job yet. And I"m not gonna rehash because its just not worth it.

Thing is, its now going for 6:30 p.m. and I don't really know what I want to do or where I want to go. I don't feel like staying at work because I know I won't accomplish anything, yet don't feel like going home either. Just have this weird sort of limbo feeling. And can't shake it.

Like last nite -- I coulda, shoulda done a dozen different things -- laundry, cleaning, writing, shopping (need groceries), the gym, but instead, flopped on the couch and watched mindless TV and ate hot dogs for dinner.

Granted, I didn't get home from work until 8 p.m., partly due to a 3-hour drive which wiped me out, but still, I couldn't help feeling like a slug.

I know it will pass. This happens from time to time when the pressure builds and the outside stressors of work, personalities and the weight of all my own responsibilities seem to pound down all at once. And of course, no one to really unload on.

My parents don't get the executive crap because they're not executives. My friends lend a sympathetic ear, but I hate venting to them all the time because I know I'd get sick of listening to the minutiae of a job I know nothing about and aren't affected by. We're considerate of each other like that. We vent occasionally, but not all the time.

So here I sit. Blogging and plotting what I'll do next. While I've been typing away, I've glanced over at a few file folders that need working on. In the back of my mind there are a couple other tasks that I know I could probably bang out in an hour or so. But can't bring myself to start on them.

I think my solution -- a short drive with my favorite CD and the windows all the way down; and then, I"m going to go home and make a nice dinner. An actual main course with a side veggie or something and a glass or two of one of the wines I picked up this weekend on my business travels.

I'll follow it with garbage TV, refuse to allow myself to feel guilty for not doing laundry or chores, and will myself that tomorrow is gonna be better.