Me, a homeowner, huh!

Half asleep, I padded across my kitchen to the sink to get water for coffee and turned the hot water faucet to get cold water for the coffeemaker.

Thing is, I didn't do that because I was half asleep, but because in my old apartment, where I had lived for almost 8 years, the faucets on my kitchen sink were reversed. Hot was cold; cold was hot.

And I do this frequently in my kitchen, not just when half asleep.

Old habits die hard, as do old memories. Apartment flashbacks, I've started calling them.

I've been in my new house now for about 5 months and there are times where the reality that I actually BOUGHT this dwelling hits me like speeding freight train.

I love the place -- even though its a 100-year-old farmhouse that needs quite a bit of work to bring up to my standards. The former owners had taken care of the major issues -- siding, replacement windows, a garage, and some nice landscaping. However, their inside decor is outdated and not my style and for me, there is lots to be done. My only limitations -- time, money and know-how. Or rather, not knowing how.

But it still surprises me, how after all this time, I still unconsciously turn the hot water faucet in the kitchen when I want cold water. Or, how I go to buy towels and my first instinct is to look for ones to match the color of my old apartment bathroom.

I always catch myself in a second or two, and as I switch faucets, or look at different colored towels, I realize I no longer live in an apartment. I OWN a house.

When I was going through the bidding and mortgage process, the thought that I was BUYING a house would suddenly occur to me and I literally felt my stomach drop and my heart would start to beat faster.

Signing the papers that day in the lawyers office, I could barely speak I was so nervous.

The one thing that got me through it though, was just how RIGHT the house felt to me the first time I walked through the door. Despite all the nerves, worries and doubts, I never doubted the house itself.

I love the house, and so happy I bought it. Despite the imperfections, unexpected repairs and ever-growing list of needs.

Even when I look around and see all that needs to be done and sometimes, I'm excited, other times scared. Right now, for example, I'm paralyzed. I don't have the money to do any major overhauls and not sure exactly what it is I want to do.

I just look around and realize that its all mine and I can do whatever I want to it and I still get chills over the features that sold me on on it --- the three car garage, the enclosed porch, the huge kitchen, the walk-in closet in the master bedroom.

The good news, I guess, is that I have the next 30 years to figure it all out. My last mortgage payment is due Dec. 1, 2034!

Me -- a homeowner -- un-freakin-believeable!