Hard to believe its been just a little over two months since starting the new job. It feels like I've been doing it forever and like my first week, all at the same time.
Some things are decidedly different. Unlike the old place, the new support staff is extremely confident, self-thinking and self-starting, making the transition much easier than I had anticipated. Instead of having to give detailed instructions like before, I find I start to tell them to do something only to find out they've already taken care of it.
What a relief!
Not to say it hasn't been without problems or challenges -- because it has, but overall, so much better. This past week, I vented to more than a couple close friends about organization politics, a particular officemate I find it hard to trust because she had applied for the job I ended up getting, and just trying to keep things running smoothly both in the career arena and the personal one.
"Why can't anything I ever do just be easy?" I whined to at least two girlfriends. "Why is it, whenever I do something, it is always so hard and so complicated? Just once, just once," I whimpered, "why can't something go off without a hitch?"
I was feeling very self-pitying until S finally said, "ya know, its not that unique, that's just life. That kind of shit happens to everybody all the time, not just you. And hey, it could always be worse -- you could have cancer or be homeless, so count your blessings."
At first, I was pissed. How dare she minimalize my problems. But then I realized, she was right.
I got a bit more understanding from L, who said maybe I was just being tested, and that in the end all the difficulties and complexities I seem to encounter would make me stronger and make my accomplishments that much more satisfying and rewarding.
I realized she was right too.
So now, I'm focusing on all the positives. And some of those positives are pretty cool.
I come home everyday exhausted -- but in a good way -- having put in a full day of mental gymnastics, administrative strategizing and learning more about a whole new field. Just a few short months ago, I was coming home exhausted from anger, stress and the frustration of feeling like I was going nowhere and the worse feeling of that no matter what I did, it wasn't right and wasn't going to make a difference to anyone.
My feet hurt -- every day; and that's actually a good thing. Because for the first time in years, I have to dress up for work every day, including wearing heels. I used to do the business casual thing with flats and sandals, wearing khakis and T-shirts most days in the office. No more. I look the part of the executive, and unlike some who say they work better in their jeans or jammies because they're so much more comfortable, I work better when I look the part. Just makes me feel more competent for some reason. So what if my toes look like jarred herrings for the first hour after I get home. I'M WEARING HIGH HEELS ALL THE TIME NOW!
I'm getting back to having 3 separate wardrobes again -- work, casual work for dress down Fridays and other days when I really don't have to dress the part, or wake up too late to take the time to dress the part (lol;) and my going out clothes. which have also gotten a revamping thanks to Stacy and Clinton from "What Not to Wear"
Lastly, I DON'T HATE MY JOB ANYMORE. Sure there are moments where I feel like I can't handle all the responsibility that I took on when I accepted it. Where personalities bug the hell outta me, or I get paranoid that I'm not going to meet expectations. But then I dig in, and make some progress, and get things done.
And lastly, I've realized my two main professional flaws -- disorganization and lax communications skills -- not all the time, but enough that I know I need to work on it. I forget that my co-workers don't realize I've finished something simply because I put it in my done pile, without letting them know. But these are fixable and it was actually today that I realized improvements in these two areas will go a long way in making my job easier in the long run.
Oh, that, and procrastination. I have to stop procrastinating no matter how much I'm convinced I work better under the extreme pressure of a looming deadline.
So, after my two-week pity party bemoaning some of the hurdles I've encountered here, I've realized (thanks in part to my friends) that these problems are not unique or career-ending or life ending. And most importantly, I realized they're fixable. Easily fixable.
Just like my lacksadaisical blogging. All I have to do, is do it!
With the blogging done and my other problems solved, its time to kick off the high heels, have some dinner and enjoy my evening. Which will be more enjoyable now that I've kind of rounded the corner on the first few hurdles of the new job and am on my way to finding my groove in this new chapter of my life.
