People come and people go......

I walked into the room, sat down at a table, and there she was.

The nemesis from my first post-college job.

My heart started beating a little faster, and I felt a few hairs stand up on the back of my neck. What the hell was she doing here? At a dinner for a group of which I had belonged to for the past 5 years?

Before my mind even formed the question, I knew the answer. Another colleague, who had also worked with her in the past and still remained in touch, must have extended the invitation.

And here she was, sitting across from me making polite dinner conversation. Unbelieveable. I thought our paths would never cross again. Now, as one of the newest members of my women's group, she will be crossing my path at least every few months.

Well, dinner turned out to be not too painful and M was actually very pleasant and polite. That doesn't mean I now like her and will embrace her as a friend. I am still wary, still untrusting, and a few hairs will always stand on end.

I can't quite explain it, except to say that when I knew her all those years ago, she liked to stir up trouble -- and put people at odds with one another. And I swear, she has a multiple personality disorder. At lunchtime several of my co-workers and I would trade barbs when she was out of earshot and one common nickname was Cybil.

Well, I'm more mature now, more diplomatic and more experienced at handling difficult people. I also refuse to let her bother me the way she used to. But I still don't like the fact, that even though in a very minimal way, this woman is back in my life.

Which made me think.

Why do certain people cross our paths? Why do some stay with us for a lifetime, while others enter for a short time, then just as quickly as they appeared, fade away? And how is it that sometimes we become true friends with the most unlikely of people? Why do some people keep coming back to us despite our best efforts to keep them out?

I worked with a woman, I'll call her the psychic secretary, who was a big believer in reincarnation. She claimed that we kept coming across the same group of souls in each consecutive life to work out karma from previous lives. Once the karma was worked out, they would leave our circle to go work out other karma.

So how does one explain lifelong friends, siblings, lifetime spouses etc. Reunions, reconciliations and that rare instance where sworn enemies somehow find common ground, make peace and end up friends?

If everyone is working out karma, wouldn't all of our connections be fleeting? Wouldn't we end up like the feather in Forest Gump, floating along in the wind, landing in one location, at the feet of one person and then eventually being picked up and taken somewhere else to another person by a universal force, never to return to the same place again?

I don't think I quite buy the psychic secretary's theory -- but it would help explain how sometimes we just feel an instant bond with someone and become fast friends and/or lifelong ones.

Take my friend LB for example -- we met at a work function and became instantaneous friends. After one day of conversation, I felt like I'd known her forever. We talk several times a week and never tire of each other.

Then there's my "friend" S. S entered into my life like an avalanche. One day, I turned around and she was just there. And has refused to leave ever since. For the first few months of our friendship, we got along great, had lots in common and got together frequently. But then I started to literally resent her. She frustrated me with her constant analyzation of the industry we both worked in, and totally smothered me.

Seriously smothered me. There were days when I'd get several emails, as well as 3 or 4 or even 5 phone calls. She'd call me at 9:30 at nite to tell me about something funny her dog did, for chrissakes.

Finally, it ended. We got into an argument, and I used it to distance myself.

She's gradually been coming around again, trying to re-establish those formerly steel bonds, but I"m not letting it happen. I won't completely shut her out, but no way can I handle her neediness and unending desire for constant communication and attention.

I wonder if perhaps she needed me in her life, for some reason, and that is why out paths crossed, and probably will continue to cross for some time to come. I don't dislike her, really. Its just that we're very different, and if not for talking shop when we're together, we'd have nothing in common.

After all this rambling, I still haven't answered my question. Maybe I never will. I've heard of different philosophies. People come back in our lives to teach us a lesson, connections can never be completely broken, etc., etc.

So far, none totally satisfies me.

The conclusion I have come to, is: The best I can do is enjoy those people I do enjoy and find ways to deal with those I don't. And limit my contact with those for which I feel both enjoyment and non-enjoyment, so that I can enjoy them in limited quanities.

Life is too short to waste it or our energy on resentment or frustration or dislike or hatred. The more we can find to enjoy, the better our experiences will be.